Normalizing Emotions in Sport

Sometimes my work with clients can get emotional. At times athletes come to me feeling defeated, frustrated, sad or angry about their performance. And they express that emotion on a call.

But, one thing that happens EVERY time a client is emotional on a call is they apologize for showing that emotion.

Why?

It honestly breaks my heart every time a client apologizes for showing emotion because I assume they think I’m judging them for showing their emotions.

When in reality I want to be (and I am!) a safe space for them to express those emotions and process them so that they can build resilience through these obstacles.

So why do athletes feel the need to apologize for expressing and feeling their emotions?

I see a lot of messaging within sports that says “show no emotion”, “rub some dirt on it”, “toughen up”, “stay neutral”, etc.

And emotions are often viewed as weakness unless they are tears of happiness when you’ve won the championship.

I’m here to tell you that your emotions are normal. Your emotions are valid. And I am here to support you as you express your emotions, whatever they may be!

Let’s dive deeper into emotions.

I have heard countless times “I want to eliminate “x” emotion”. It could be anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration, defeat, the list goes on.

But, the reality is that you can’t eliminate emotions. Emotions are a part of being human. You are going to feel what you feel and it’s okay.

When you lose, you will feel frustration or sadness and that’s normal. When you have a big game, you will feel anxious and that is normal.

It’s not about eliminating emotions, but about learning how to manage the emotions that arise.

There are 4 steps to managing emotions:

1. Get to know your emotions. What moments or scenarios in a game bring out certain emotions? How do those emotions affect your performance? Building this awareness will allow you to better recognize and understand how to respond when certain emotions arise.

2. Accept your emotions. Emotions are normal. Don’t feel like you have to eliminate or suppress them. Just let them be.

3. Reframe your emotions. Instead of thinking certain emotions are bad or that they shouldn’t come up. Reframe it to mean something different. For example, instead of thinking feeling anxious means you’re going to play badly, choose to think that anxiety means you’re excited to play.

4. Choosing how you'll respond. What do you need when certain emotions arise? Do you need to take a deep breath, or have a moment to yourself, or visualize your performance, or use a positive statement? You get to decide! There is no right or wrong answer, but rather what works best for you.

When you go through these steps you will be able to easily recognize when unwanted emotions arise. And rather than spiraling out, you’ll be in control.

You will acknowledge the emotion and accept how you feel. When you do that it’s sooooo much easier to respond and react in an intentional way.

So that means reframing the emotion so that rather than feeling like the unwanted emotion is going to cause you to play bad or interfere with your playing time, you’ll know the emotion means you care or you’re ready to play.

Then, once you’ve reframed the emotion, you can choose the response that will allow you to stay present and move on to the next play.

If you feel like managing emotions has been a stuck point for you in the past or if you’ve felt like you can’t express any emotions other than happiness, schedule a consultation.

We’ll get to know your emotions and create a plan to manage the emotions that come up for you, all in a safe place!